Selfless Jerk
by loveintheimpala
Summary: There aren't a lot of things that Dean wouldn't do for his nephew and his sister, even if it comes right down to his own life. (Sequel to Winchestergirl67's fic, 'I'll Be Here For You')
1. Chapter 1

_This story is a sequel to Winchestergirl67's fanfiction, 'I'll Be Here For You', which is an amazing fic that I am so in love with! It doesn't matter if you haven't read that before reading this, it's set years before this but gives a bit of a background as to what happened around the time of Sara's pregnancy with Dean's nephew, check it out, it's a great read. She also has some other great fanfictions up, if you're looking to read a good one, I recommend 'Natalie Winchester', which she is updating regularly. Hope you enjoy this fic and thank you for reading, the support means the world! :)_

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It had been three days since Dean had been to the hospital, that was a record. It had been just over a year, three hundred and ninety four days to be exact, since his only nephew had been admitted there. He hadn't taken a hunt since. He hadn't slept a whole night since. He hadn't done much of anything since. Really, there weren't a lot of things that made sense to him anymore, not when there was a six-year-old boy in the condition that he was in.

He had spent almost every day since then watching his sister try not to fall apart, trying to be strong for her, like he knew she was for him, and her son. There was something in her that was holding onto hope, because that was all she had left. But it had faded away almost completely just a few days earlier, around the time that the doctors had so bluntly told them that there was nothing they could do to save his life.

Dean had found it almost impossible to believe that they could have the heart to tell a mother that she might never see her son's eyes open again, that she might never hear his voice or his laughter again, that she would never see him grow up. And this time he had refused to accept it. There was only so much he could take. There was a little boy fading away from them and he could do something about it, he could stop it. And he had.

That night, the night after Dean had made the decision that he valued that little boy's life more than his own, he opened his eyes for the first time that year. It was a sight that had put doctors at a complete loss and restored all hope to his little sister's life. He hadn't seen her smile properly since he had first been put into hospital, there hadn't been anything like happiness in her voice like the night she had called to tell him what had happened, when Dean had acted surprised.

But, he figured, due to the urgent voicemails he had received from her over the past couple of days, that she had worked out what had really happened. Her mind had been initially swarmed with complete shock, happiness at being with her son once again, but once she had taken the time to think about it, she had realised. And he knew that she was going to want answers, he just didn't know how he was supposed to give them to her. It wasn't going to be an easy conversation to have, he knew that, but it had to be done. He had just wanted to give her a couple of days, at least, to be with her son before she gave herself something else to worry about.

Dean knocked on the door to his nephew's hospital room, something else that he never did, and stepped inside silently. It wasn't an unusual thing to see; his nephew sleeping peacefully while his sister sat there and held his hand in hers, watching him as though she expected him to disappear should she blink. But something was different this time, they knew that he was going to wake up again.

Sara looked up at him as the door opened, her face changing dramatically as she did. There was a mixture of relief and confusion, like she had been worried about him while he had been gone, but at the same time she had been anxious of him to come back, purely because she didn't want to accept what she knew deep down he had done for them.

Before Dean could even think up something to say, she cleared her throat. "Outside." she said harshly, pushing the words out through gritted teeth. She pushed herself up from the chair beside the bed without another word, bypassing him through the doorway.

Dean pulled the door closed quietly and followed her as she made her way through the busy corridors and down flights of stairs, never slowing down or glancing back at him. He knew when she got like this she really meant business. He didn't say a word as he followed her out of the hospital and onto the parking lot, only coming to a stop as she suddenly whirled around to face him.

There were tears shining in her eyes, like she was waiting for him to give some kind of an explanation to something. He noticed, she didn't look angry, not like he had initially thought, she looked devastated. She looked like she was using every ounce of strength in her not to cry. She didn't know what to think. Her left hand was wrapped up in her hair tightly as she tried to think, tugging at it to the point it hurt.

"Sara." Dean's voice was soft, understanding. "Please."

Her green eyes snapped up to look at him, tears clinging on to her eyelashes as though they were fighting not to fall. She tried to be mad at him, her heart physically breaking in her chest as her mind screamed at her what Dean had done, he was the only one who could be responsible. But no, even he couldn't be that stupid, not again.

"What did you do?" she whispered, her voice cracked at the words. Dean just shook his head at her slowly, refusing to answer. He didn't want to say it. Sara took a step closer to him and shoved him hard in the chest, she wasn't taking that, not a chance. "What the hell did you do?!" she shouted, the upset fast turning to anger, frustration in needing to know.

"I -" he stopped and sighed, his green eyes meeting hers straight on. "I made a deal."

Her whole chest sank at his words, she didn't know how to feel. She took a step back, her mouth hanging open, every single bit of anger that had been in her was immediately replaced by complete dread. There was dread in knowing what was to come, what would happen to him, where he was going.

"How long?" she asked him shakily, tears forming up in her eyes again. "How long did they give you?"

"I got a year." he whispered, there was no emotion in his voice, he didn't sound sorry, he didn't sound for a second as though he regretted it, he spoke about it as though it was just a casual point to make.

At that, Sara lost it. The battle she was fighting with herself was lost and the tears fell freely from her eyes. Her breathing became heavier as she tried, and failed, to calm herself down, tried to be strong. But she couldn't. It was too much this time, way too overwhelming. There were too many feelings all at once, she couldn't hold them back.

"Jesus, Dean." she cried. She turned away from him, a hand pressed to her mouth as she tried to hold back the sobs that just kept coming.

"Sara," Dean took a hold of her arm and pulled her back around to face him. There were tears in his eyes, sadness in his face, but she could see there was absolutely no regret there at all. "He's just a kid, he's family, I couldn't, Sara -" He sighed heavily, clenching his jaw tightly for a moment. "I couldn't watch it anymore. It's been a year; a year that I've spent watching him slip away, a year of watching you in nothing but pain. He was losing his life, you were losing your son. It wasn't getting better. Someone had to stop it, before it got too late."

"What am I supposed to tell him? Dean, how is he gonna get past it when you're gone? How am I supposed to deal with that?" she asked, barely holding it together anymore. "You know what one of the first things he asked me when he woke up was? Where's uncle Dean? You are the world to that boy, and you know that."

Dean looked down, remorse in his eyes. "Sara -"

"You're all he has, you're all I have." she went on. "Sam's gone, Dad's gone, his Dad's gone, you are the only family we have left. I can't watch you die again. Please." Her voice cracked at her plea. "Dean, please."

He didn't know what she wanted him to say, he wasn't sure that she did either. Maybe she wanted him to tell her that he wasn't going to leave them, that he wasn't going to die, that the three of them would see the other side of this and move on with their lives. But he couldn't. Truth was, he would do what he could to get out of his deal this time, he'd try, but he wasn't going to make promises that he couldn't keep. He wouldn't stand there and lie to her face, not again.

"Sara." Dean pressed gently, tentatively reaching out to rest a hand on her cheek, wiping away the tears with his thumb. "Please, don't hate me for this." She slowly brought her eyes back up to look at him, appearing horrified at the thought, and shook her head.

"Hate you? How the hell could you think that I'd hate you?" She reached forwards and grabbed a handful of his shirt, making some lame attempt at pushing him, trying to be mad, but she couldn't. "You jerk, Dean." she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks again. "You selfless, fucking jerk."

Dean closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her as she cried into his chest, her hands never leaving where they were gripped to the front of his t-shirt. He stroked the back of her hair softly, shushing her until she had calmed down enough to breath properly again. He wasn't even sure what it was that had her crying anymore. There were mixed up emotions. A few days ago she had been watching her son die, but she had been with her brother. Now, she had her son back but she was being told that, in exactly a year, she would be comforting her son and making funeral arrangements. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel anymore.

"I've got you, sis." Dean said softly. "I'm gonna take care of you, alright? Both of you."

Sara pulled back at his words, her eyes once again meeting his. He pushed up a smile to her, a genuine smile, as though he wasn't staring down yet another tunnel to hell's gates.

"You saved my baby's life, Dean." she whispered. "I can't even -" she stopped as her breath hitched in her throat. "I'm gonna get you out of this, okay? I promise." Dean didn't say anything, just pulled her into another hug. "I love you, so much." she murmured into his chest, soft enough that he could pretend that he hadn't heard it if he wanted to. But he didn't.

"Me too, Sara." he told her, holding her tighter to him. And at that point, his mind was as far away from hell as it could possibly be.


	2. Chapter 2

Three days. That was all Dean Winchester had left before he would be dragged down to hell again. He knew it wasn't going to be stopped this time, he knew he couldn't be saved. There were only so many times one person could cheat death, and a part of him knew that he had passed that number a long, long time ago. This time his chances really were up.

But Dean was okay with that, he was fine with going to hell. He was fine that he was about to face an eternity of torture with no hope of ever escaping again. He was fine because he still considered it all worth it.

If he hadn't done what he had that night, if his patience hadn't finally worn thin and he hadn't finally had enough and sold his soul, he wouldn't like to think where he and his family would be. For all he knew, his nephew might no longer have been around. There was the chance that his sister would've eventually lost strength and shattered. Truthfully, he would take their current situation over both of those ideas in a heartbeat. If his sister and nephew were alive and well, Dean didn't care about much of anything else.

Dean strolled into the kitchen of his sister's house casually, the way he did almost every time he was there. She stood behind the counter in there chopping up some fruit, he presumed for her son. He glanced up at her as he crossed the room and headed towards the fridge, pulling it open and helping himself to a beer from the bottom shelf.

"Hey." she said simply, raising her eyebrows at him as he closed the fridge door and turned to lean back against it.

Dean popped the cap off his bottle and tossed it across the room to the trash can. "Hey." he replied, taking a long drink of the beer.

He moved forwards to sit opposite where she stood at the counter, reaching over and grabbing a piece of the fruit for himself. She chuckled as he pulled his face, the same way he did every time he ate fruit.

"How're you doing?" she asked, he assumed more out of something to say than anything else. They hadn't spoken about his deal for at least a week, as if they were both just trying not to voice what weighed on their minds almost every minute of the day.

Dean nodded, taking another drink from the bottle. "Yeah, I'm good." he answered nonchalantly. "You?"

"Yeah," she also nodded, seeming less convinced with her answer than Dean had done. "I'm good."

Dean placed the beer down on the counter quietly, his eyes fixed down on it as he did. "Listen, Sara," he cleared his throat, taking a second to think through his words. "We need to talk."

She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "About what?" she asked, as though she couldn't have the faintest idea what he could be getting at.

Dean sighed, it was never an easy thing to bring up, their conversations about it never ended well, but he knew that he had to. If he would bring his deal up with her, which would be very rarely, she would block him out and refuse to talk about it. However, if she would try and bring the subject up with him, he would make his best attempt to joke it off and play it down to not being a big deal, which only frustrated her more. Sometimes it would end in tears, sometimes it would end in a fight, and sometimes, it just ended because neither could face either end of the conversation.

"Come on, Sara," he sighed, wondering the best way to say it. He knew how it would go down, but he had to ask. "Are you gonna tell him?" he asked her quietly.

The knife came to an abrupt stop halfway through cutting through a piece of fruit, slamming down on the board beneath it as though she had pressed down too hard. She took a breath and raised her eyes to him as though it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard him say before.

"Is that a joke?" she asked him, raising her eyebrows. "How the hell do you expect me to tell him something like that?"

Dean shook his head, he knew it was a stupid thing to ask her to do. There was a part of him that didn't want to leave without an explanation to him, didn't want to go without telling him how he truly felt, he wanted the chance to say his goodbyes in a way that he could understand. He didn't want to leave it all down to his sister to pick up the pieces once he was gone. That wasn't fair.

"I don't know," he shrugged lamely. "I just," he paused for a moment and pulled a hand down his face. "Be nice to say goodbye, you know? More than I got to do with Sammy."

Sara's eyes seemed to go soft at the mention of their brother, as though it suddenly hit her once again how much it really hurt that he was gone. She knew once Sam had gone, when Dean had though himself truly to be alone again, he had taken comfort in her son. He had shown up at her door in the middle of the night to tell her what had happened, completely broken, and had stayed with them for almost three months after. The next day, she and Dean had sat down her four-year-old son and explained to him that he wasn't going to see his uncle Sam anymore, it was something she had hoped she would never have to experience again.

After Sam, Dean seemed to have put all of his energy into spending time with his nephew, as though he was some kind of a distraction to the pain that he clearly lived through each day that passed without his brother. It was obvious, just by looking at him, how much Dean cared for his nephew, and they had only gotten closer to each other the more time that had passed by.

"Dean," Sara spoke slowly, she didn't know what to say to him. There was a sadness in his eyes, she knew he really didn't want to go to hell, not this time, he was afraid to go back there. There was so much remorse in his eyes for what he was leaving behind, but he didn't regret it for a second. And she knew that. "He's seven years old. How are you going to be able to sit him down and tell him that you're about to die?" Emotion was rising in her voice as she spoke, she sounded as though she was trying to hold back tears. "You can't."

"I don't know," he sighed, defeated. There was something in the back of his mind that knew, if it came down to it, he probably wouldn't be able to find the words to tell him, but then something else told him that, if he didn't, Sara would be left alone to do it. "But you're gonna have to." he added quietly.

Sara nodded. "And I will deal with that, you don't have to." She looked up at him seriously, her eyes meeting his. "The last time you spend with him should be happy, Dean, not like that."

"It's not fair, Sara, leaving you alone to do that." he countered.

She shook her head, she wasn't having it. "You know how much you mean to that kid, Dean." she told him seriously, in a way that meant he couldn't argue with her. "If you tell him now it's gonna crush him, he won't know what to do, he won't understand." she sighed. "Do you really want the last few days you spend with him to be like that?"

Dean looked down, he knew that he didn't. Something just felt wrong about leaving his sister behind to clean up the mess he was making. He felt as though he was leaving without giving an explanation when he had the chance, without telling him that he was sorry for going, or that he loved him. It felt wrong.

"Listen," Sara cleared her throat, composing herself a little from the effect of the conversation they'd had. "Why don't you take him for a couple of days, huh?" she suggested. "Spend some time with him."

Dean regarded her for a moment, narrowing his eyes slightly. There was something behind the suggestion and he had a good idea of what it was. "What about you?" he asked.

She sighed lightly, giving a small shrug. "I've, uh, I've got some stuff that I need to take care of, and -"

"Sara, stop it." Dean cut her off before she had the chance to say more, he wasn't buying that for a second, he knew exactly what she was planning to do.

She frowned at him, appearing confused. "Stop what?"

"Stop this constant trying to break this deal. You've been doing it for nearly a year now, it's not gonna happen." His face softened a little at the look in her eyes at his words. "And, I know it's not easy, but come on, we've got three days here, that's more than most people get. And, we should spend them together, the three of us. I mean, you're my sister, we're family."

Sara thought about it for a second, she didn't want to watch him go without having spent all the time she could with him, but she didn't want to think that she was giving up. If he were to go to hell for selling his own soul to save her son, she wanted to think that she had done absolutely everything in her power to try and break the deal again. And she had tried nothing else for the past eleven months. She had talked to every demon she could find, she had tried to bargain and deal the way out of it, barely even thinking about what she was offering up to save him. She had read every book and searched every website, called every hunter, but nothing. There wasn't a lot of places left to look.

"Dean -" she went to protest, but Dean got there first.

"Please, Sara." And then, with that, she knew she couldn't say no. He was the man who had sold his soul for her only child, the man who was staring down an eternity of torture and the only thing that bothered him about it was what he was leaving behind.

It wasn't fair, and it sure as hell wasn't right, but it was reality. And it was starting to hit her hard. The thought of what was to come scared her, more than many things had ever scared her before. She was going to lose her big brother, and her son was about to lose his uncle, and still, all Dean cared about was them. Same as always.


	3. Chapter 3

_Someone asked in a review if there was a story set way before this; there is. If you go to Winchestergirl67's account, she has a story up which is called 'I'll Be Here For You', which is set before Dean's nephew was born. It's a little bit of a background story set that the time Sara became pregnant, so this is technically the sequel to it, although it doesn't really matter if you haven't read that before reading this. Hope you enjoy, thank you for the support! :)_

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Dean gave a small sigh and pushed the bed covers up to his nephew's shoulders. There was a gentle smile on his face, one that he rarely used outside of being with his family. There was a softness with the way he acted with them that would never see the light of day anywhere else. It was like, just for a while, he could let go of everything else in his life and just be there. Like he could forget about the hunting and the death and the pain, he could forget about the monsters and the demons, because they made it seem okay. When he was there, he was happy.

Over the years, especially since his brother had died, Dean had spent less and less time hunting. It had, at one time, been just an occasional visit to see them, when he would take a hunt nearby and swing around to see them, maybe he would stay for a few days, but it had never been often. And then it had been more like, if there was a hunt nearby he would take it, otherwise he would call another hunter and put them onto it.

Hunting had always been his job, he knew he could never completely walk away, but gradually he had slowed it down to a balance between work and family, and over the past year he could probably count on his hands the amount of hunts he had taken.

And now that his time was being cut so short, he had spent the last few days that he had with his only sister and his only nephew. It was his last night, the last time he would ever see them, and honestly, it hurt him more than he thought it would have done. He was at peace with the deal, he wouldn't take it back for anything, not a chance, but that didn't mean that he wanted to go to hell, he didn't.

"I had a good day with you today." Luke murmured to Dean, his voice already becoming quieter with sleep, looking up at him through heavy eyes.

Dean smiled, nodding slowly. "Yeah, me too." he said quietly, biting back the emotion that grew in his throat. He knew it was the last time he was going to see him. "Listen to me, take care of your Mom for me, okay?"

A small frown furrowed at his brow, but he nodded. "Kay." he replied, it was as though he understood the serious in Dean's statement, even at seven, but he didn't understand why.

Dean pushed the hair back from his forehead, smiling. "I love you, buddy." he whispered. "Don't ever forget that, alright?"

Luke nodded slowly. "Love you, too, uncle Dean."

With that, he turned over and closed his eyes, a small smile on his face as he fell into a sleep. Dean couldn't help the affectionate look at crossed his face, he loved the kid more than he ever thought he would. When his sister had told him she'd had a baby boy, sure, he had been thrilled for her, but he had never thought that he would have the kind of bond with him that he did. He never thought the two of them would become so close, but after Sam, they had. It was like Dean had needed him to get through losing his brother, and Luke needed him to make it through losing his uncle. Dean pulled the door closed behind himself softly, being sure not to disturb him, and headed towards the stairs.

Sara looked up as he headed into the living room, immediately standing from the chair she had been sitting at the end of, as though she was so on edge she couldn't sit still. She was tense, he could see that from a mile away, but she was trying to stay calm. She was trying not to let it all sink in and get to her, but she was failing miserably at it.

"He alright?" she asked, her voice soft.

Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah," he stepped closer into the room and smiled a little. "He's sleeping."

A faint smile crossed her face, Dean had always been good at getting him to sleep. It was like he had a way of being able to instantly calm him. When he was younger and he would get upset, he could cry his heart out to his mom, but when Dean came, he calmed immediately. Dean had always just had that effect on him.

"It's not fair," Sara muttered, sounding a little bitter about it. "You do something like that, you give up your life for a kid, and you face this for it." she shook her head. "None of this is right."

"Sara," Dean sighed deeply, a soft frown on his face as he took a step closer to her. "I would make that deal again for him in a heartbeat, or you." he said seriously. "You gotta know that."

"I know, but that's my point. Why should we have to do this? Why does all this crap keep happening to us?" He could see that she was becoming worked up, his time was coming closer and she wasn't dealing with it. "I mean, what did you and me ever do? What the hell did Luke ever do? And Sam. Dad, Mom, all of them. It's not fair."

Dean nodded. "I know, but sometimes life just sucks, I guess."

Sara scoffed in disbelief. "How can you say that? You're going to hell, how are you so okay with this?" There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, he could see how hard she was working to hold it all in. "You've been there before, you know how bad it is. I mean, you act like you don't even care."

"Because, he's got a full life because of this deal." Dean smiled at her, resting a hand to her shoulder. "You get to watch your son grow up, you get to see him go to college, you get to see him find himself a girl, get married, have kids, you can see him have the life you and I never got. You can give him that, Sara. It's worth it."

She shook her head slowly. Because what was that worth if the one man who had loved him more than any other man had before wasn't there? It was hard to imagine how her son was going to deal with the death of someone he admired so much, someone who had been, not only an uncle, like a father figure to him.

"Remember when you used to joke about how you'd buy him his first beer? You'd take him out with you and get him wasted." Dean chuckled to himself, nodding. "You said you'd teach him to drive, you'd be there to watch his back, you'd be there at his wedding, his graduation.." she trailed off. "You're gonna miss out on so much. He has all of that because of you, and he'll never even know."

"It doesn't matter," he shook his head. "As long as he's alive and well, I really don't care if he knows why or not."

Sara sighed sadly. "How do you do it, Dean?" she said quietly. "How are you so selfless all the time? You never think about yourself in anything." Tears filled up in her eyes, it was all just way too much for her. "I don't want you to go, Dean." she whispered, her voice barely audible.

"I know," Dean stepped forwards and placed his arms around her tightly. "But you'll be alright, I promise. You'll both be just fine."

"How?" she asked incredulously, her face still buried in his chest. She pulled back enough to look up at him and shook her head. "How is this gonna be okay?"

Dean frowned a little as the tears finally spilled down her cheeks. "Come on, Sara," he reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks gently, resting his hands at her cheeks. "Don't do that, alright? Don't cry on me now." His voice was light, almost joking, but she didn't miss the shakiness in his words, she could tell how hard he was working to fight back tears of his own from showing. "He'll be fine, stop worrying about him."

"How do you know that?" she asked, her voice cracked over the words.

"Because, I know his mom better than anyone else in this world knows her, and I know how lucky he is to have her." he smiled. "As long as he has you, he's okay."

"Dean," she whispered, shaking her head. "I need you here. You're the only family we've got left."

His eyes fell to a few photos on the shelf above the fireplace. There was one of their parents, one of him and Sam, one of Bobby, and then he thought, she had lost so many people she loved already. She had watched him being ripped apart by hell-hounds once before. She had been through enough, and now he was putting her through it all again, and her son. But still, he didn't regret it.

"I'm sorry for what I'm doing, Sara. But I am not sorry that I made that deal." he leaned forwards and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I love you, kid." his eyes fell to the clock on the wall behind her, 11:43pm. "I gotta go."

He moved to take step back but she didn't let go of the grip she held to the front of his t-shirt, pulling him back. He wrapped his arms around her again, holding her tightly to him as she cried. Everything that she had pushed back over the past year came out all at once. She pulled back enough to look at him and forced up a shaky smile. "I love you." she whispered, her words barely even making it past her lips.

Dean nodded. "Me, too." he said quietly. "Take care of yourself, Sara." He held his hand to her cheek for a second before taking a step back and forcing himself to leave the house, all confidence and stoicism dropping from his stance the second the door closed behind him. He wasn't ready for what was coming. Not again.


	4. Chapter 4

**One month later**

Sara gave a small sigh as she headed down the hallway to her son's bedroom, she was completely exhausted, having barely slept in days. There was always the thoughts running through her head during the night of what was happening to her eldest brother, sometimes she wished that he hadn't told her the true amount of horror that there really was down in hell, maybe it would be easier if she couldn't so easily picture it all.

A small smile found its way to her face as she pushed open the door and took a seat on the edge of his bed, pushing the covers tighter around him. "Hey, sweetie," she said softly. "You ready for bed?"

Luke simply nodded, not looking up from the object in his hands. Sara reached out as he handed it to her and turned it around to see what it was. Her chest dropped at the sight. It was a photo of him and Dean, taken not that long ago. There was a bright smile on Dean's face, genuine happiness written all over his features. He had always seemed to smile the brightest when he had been with his nephew, like there was absolutely no evil in the world, like there was nothing to haunt him during the night and no darkness waiting for him in the shadows.

"I miss him, Mom." Luke said quietly, as though he didn't really want to admit it.

Sara sighed sadly, nodding. "I know, baby." she said gently, returning the photo to the table beside his bed so that he could see it. "And, I know it's hard, but it will get better, okay? I promise you."

She said it, but she still wasn't sure that even she believed it. There were so many people she'd had to say goodbye to in the past, and it never stopped hurting. The longer that went by, the less the thought of them being gone would plague her mind, but then sometimes it would just hit her like a knife stabbing her in the chest. And then came the guilt, the guilt that time had passed without the pain of missing them like that. And after that all she was left with was the thought of being alone again.

With Sam, all she could think was that he wasn't there for her or his nephew, he hadn't been there when they all needed him, when Dean needed him the most. And that just made her miss him even more, because he was the one she needed to get past the pain caused by losing him. It all hurt the same in the end.

And she knew, Dean's death was going to leave a heartache in her son that no one would ever be able to heal, no matter what they said or did, it was never going to leave him. She had seen that in him over the past month, he just hadn't been the same kid. He was quiet, he was distant, and there was nothing she could do to make it better, because she couldn't bring him back. Sometimes she wished she had him there to help her, because when there was a problem with her son, when he was in trouble or he was upset about something, Dean was always the one she would call, and he would always make it better. Now, instead of having him there to give her backup, she felt as if she was facing everything alone.

"You know you've got me right here if you need anything. You'll always have me here." she leaned down and kissed his forehead softly. "I'll never leave you."

"I love you, Mom." he murmured, his voice growing softer as he slowly fell out of consciousness.

Sara smiled a little and pushed herself up, crossing the room towards the door. "I love you, too." she whispered, giving the room one last look over before she pulled the door over behind her and stepped out into the hallway. She released a deep sigh as she leaned back against the wall beside his bedroom door. She felt like crying, but she knew it never got her anywhere. Honestly, she didn't think that she could cry anymore, it was all she had been able to do in the days after Dean had died. The nightmares that came with it, they made everything worse, sometimes she would wake in the middle of the night and break down. And knowing where he was, having had him explain hell to her in such detail in the past, it killed her to imagine it.

From inside the room she heard her son climb out of bed, obviously having thought that she had gone back downstairs. She took a short breath to compose herself, ready to head back inside and tell him to go to sleep, but stopped as she heard him speak. His voice was soft and quiet, clearly in an attempt to stop her from hearing, but she could hear every word all the same.

"Are you there, God?" he paused for a second, as if he was waiting for an answer. "I don't know if you hear it when people ask you for things, but I wanted to ask if you could help my Mom. I don't know if she believes that you're up there, I don't think that my Uncle Dean did, but I think that you are. And if you are, I just wondered, can you make my Mom smile again? She used to smile all the time, and that made me feel like smiling, too. But she's been real sad since my Uncle Dean went away, and so have I. He used to make my Mom feel better when she was sad, but he's not here anymore, she said that he was up in heaven with my Uncle Sam. Sometimes, she can make me stop feeling sad, but there isn't anyone to stop her from being sad. And I think that if she was happy again, I would be, too."

Sara pressed a hand to her mouth in some attempt to hold back her sobs and slowly moved down the wall until she was sitting on the floor outside of his room. She wanted to cry at the innocence of him. He was still young enough that he could believe there was something better out there. He could believe that there was a good side to the world, that there wasn't just evil out there. He was so loving and so trusting, he was selfless in the way that Dean was. He didn't pray to make himself feel better, he prayed for other people. He wanted to make other people feel better, because that was what could make him feel happier, when other people smiled. He was so much like Dean sometimes it scared her. It scared her to think that one day he might do something like what Dean had done. Her brother had spent years of his life sacrificing himself and risking death to save other people, and a part of her knew that her son had that same selfless streak running through him.

It was only then, at the all too familiar sound in the next room, one that she hadn't heard in years, her heart completely dropped to her stomach. She felt sick. The sound of fluttering echoed throughout the room. She all but jumped up and turned to the doorway, pushing open the door and coming to an abrupt stop at the sight before her.

The man standing behind her son was the last person she had ever expected to lay eyes on again. He slowly turned to face her, a small smile lingering on his face. Blue eyes immediately found her green ones, still wide with shock at the sight of him. "Hello, Sara." he greeted simply.

"Castiel." she breathed out, unable to find more words through the confusion in her head.

Luke jumped up at the sound of the new voice behind him, a look of fear on his face as he looked up at the strange man standing in the middle of his bedroom. He took a step back, looking towards Sara for help. "Don't be afraid, Luke." he said quietly. "I won't hurt you."

He blinked, seeming unsure. "Who are you?"

Castiel looked to Sara, as if he was asking her whether or not he was supposed to tell him the truth. "He's an angel, Luke." she answered for him, finding her voice again, her eyes never leaving him.

"A real angel?" he asked, looking back up at him. "With wings? And a halo?" Castiel just smiled at him, seeming amused by the questions. But Luke's eyes suddenly went wide, as if he had realised something. "Can you bring back my uncle Dean? Can you go to heaven and let him back out again?"

"Hey, uh, Luke, I think it's time for bed." Sara said bluntly before Castiel could even open his mouth to answer. It wasn't a conversation she wanted her seven-year-old son to be involved in.

He looked between them but reluctantly nodded, moving back towards his bed and climbing under the covers.

Sara closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, and nodded at Castiel in indication for him to follow her out of the room. She closed the door behind them and made her way downstairs, straight to the kitchen, where she pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. He could see by the way she moved, closing cupboard doors with more force than was needed, slamming down glasses whiskey bottles, she was angry. And it was at him.

"I didn't know, Sara." he tried to explain, his voice understanding. "I didn't know about Dean.

Sara span around to face him, she looked livid. "Where the hell were you, Cas?" she snapped, her tone hard, demanding answers. "Dean and I prayed to you every single day for _months_. We thought you were dead." He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't get a chance. "I prayed to you when my son was lying on his deathbed, I prayed to you when Dean sold his soul for him, I prayed to you when he was going to hell, _again_." she shook her head. "You went back up to heaven and you didn't come back. So what happened?"

Castiel blinked, he was at a loss for words. "Sara, I.." he shook his head slowly. "I didn't know about what had happened to your son. I didn't -" He stopped himself, there was nothing he could say to her. "I couldn't leave, Sara." he told her remorsefully, his voice soft. "You know how the angels feel about you and your brothers." he sighed. "I suspect they worked to keep the angels loyal to your family from hearing you. They don't want any of us near you anymore. I couldn't leave."

"Wait," she frowned, the anger seeming to subside as realisation and guilt washed over her. "You mean, you didn't know that Dean was dead until you just heard Luke?"

Castiel shook his head slowly. "I listened for you, while I was up in heaven, I still listened, for all of you. But I didn't hear you or Dean. Ever."

Sara slowly held out a glass of whiskey to him. He had just found out that he had lost one of the best friends he had ever known, that he was once again burning in the very place he had once rescued him from. It was never an easy thing to hear about anyone. She wet her lips, hesitating with what she wanted to say to him, she wasn't sure that it was a good idea, that it would go down well with him, but a part of her knew that he was expecting the question.

"Cas," she paused, giving a small sigh. "If he wasn't where he was, if he was in heaven, you know I wouldn't ask you," she shook her head. "But I can't leave him in there. It's too much. You saw what it did to him the last time, he doesn't deserve it again, you know he doesn't." she stopped, taking a breath to compose herself. "And, if he stays down there, I'm scared that he's gonna become something that he's not."

Castiel nodded, as if to say she hadn't even needed to ask him. "I know." he replied softly. "I'm gonna do what I can, I promise you. I'll figure something out for him."

"And, Sam?" his eyes flickered up to look at her at that. "He's in heaven, right? He's okay?"

"Yeah," he took a drink of the whiskey and nodded. "Sam's fine. He's happy."

It was like she could take some comfort in that. He was away from hunting, he was away from the pain and the torment of the life they had been forced to live. He was finally at peace. She could only imagine what his heaven was like, what eternal paradise he had up there waiting for him, but she hoped that it was something good. Maybe he finally had that normal life that he had always craved so much. Whatever it was, she wouldn't pull him away from it and back down into the pain of the hunting life. Not a chance.

He finished the rest of the whiskey in his glass and sighed. "I better go. I'll be in touch."

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'll see you around."

Castiel made a move to leave but paused in the doorway, turning back to her. "Sara, I want you to know, if I would have heard, if I'd have known about what happened to your son, or if I would have known that Dean made a deal, I would've come back." he looked down, clearly remorseful. "I'm sorry."

"I know, it's alright, Cas. It wasn't your fault." she said softly, pushing up a small smile. "Just, if you go down there, if you get him, be careful. Okay? Promise me."

"Of course." He nodded slowly. "I'll see you soon, Sara."

With that, he turned and headed out of the room, pulling the door closed behind himself.


	5. Chapter 5

_Three weeks later_

Sara shot up in bed at the sound of a loud smash downstairs. It was followed by the sound of a bang and then deep, muffled voices talking quietly. Her stomach dropped in fear, this was the last thing she needed right now. She silently reached down beside the bed and picked up the shotgun that was always kept there before she climbed out of bed.

The sound of another bang downstairs made her move a little faster, she wasn't sure she wanted to know what was going on down there. The house was protected against pretty much everything supernatural. There was no chance in hell that a demon could get in there, no ghost, shapeshifter, ghoul, nothing could get past that door. They had to be human. And something about that scared her even more.

The supernatural had never really been an issue to her, she didn't fear it. In her time she had seen almost everything that lurked out there in the darkness, but humans were unpredictable. A part of her still believed that they were more capable, more bent on causing pain, than a lot of creatures out there she had faced.

Slowly, she pulled open her bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway. Her eyes fell to where her son was standing in his own doorway, looking over at her expectantly, like he didn't know what to do. She had a feeling that he had been debating whether to go to her room or not. There was fear in his eyes, a childlike look that he rarely showed. Sara moved towards him quickly and crouched down in front of him, placing the gun down on the floor beside her while she held his shoulders firmly with her hands.

"Listen to me," she whispered to him urgently, her voice more serious than she had ever used with him before. "I want you to go into your room and lock the door behind you. Don't come out of there unless it's me, alright?"

Luke nodded quickly to show his understanding but said nothing. She rested a hand to his cheek for a second before she grabbed the shotgun from the floor and headed off back down the hallway to the top of the stairs. She paused until she heard the lock click on the other side of the door and cocked the gun before she started down the stairs.

Sara walked silently into the living room, seeing nothing through the dark shadows, the gun aimed and ready to fire at anything that moved. Before she could even think up her next move a floorboard creaked behind her. Out of nowhere the gun was grabbed from her hand and her wrists secured behind her with enough force that she couldn't move her arms.

"The fuck?" she fought against their hold but whoever it was tightened the grip on her, they were far too strong.

A stubbled chin rested down on her right shoulder. "Boo." they whispered.

Sara turned sharply at the familiar voice and came face to face with her snickering brother. Through the darkness she could see the glint of humour in his eyes, the smirk on his face. He appeared nothing but amused by the look on her face. She opened her mouth to say something to him but stopped herself. She forced herself not to buy into it, not yet. How was she even supposed to know that it was him? She needed to be sure. She couldn't risk it.

Dean seemed to sense the anticipation in her actions and took a step back, holding up his hands in surrender. "Go get the stuff," he muttered with a sigh. "I'll wait."

She narrowed her eyes at him for a second and took a step back, moving towards where she kept a duffel bag behind the couch, fully loaded just in case something like that happened. She opened it up on the couch and took out a sliver knife. She held it out to him expectantly but said nothing. Dean heaved a sigh and took it from her, dragging it across the skin of his forearm hard enough for it to draw blood. He then took the salt and holy water from her and poured both over his arm without a word.

Her eyes were wide in shock. "Dean," she whispered his name but she didn't move, she didn't think she could. "You're actually here."

Dean nodded slowly, taking a step forwards. There was a soft smile on his face, a shimmering of emotion in his eyes that he refused to let fall. "I'm here, Sara."

Without a word she all but ran at him and threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in the front of his shoulder. Her body shook as the tears fell from her eyes and the sobs racked through her body. After a few weeks she had thought that the chance of her seeing him again was becoming less and less. She knew a part of the problem with them knowing how to cheat death had made it harder to actually accept it when it came. And she had slowly been starting to think that this time maybe he really had been gone. But there he was. He was back. He was alive and breathing and right there.

Dean's arms wrapped around her tightly, pulling her towards him as she cried. He rubbed a hand slowly up and down her back to sooth her, his other gripped the back of her neck through her hair. He couldn't let her go, he needed her. The thought of his sister and his nephew had been the only thing to keep him sane through hell, the only thing that stopped him from cracking in the way he had before. He kissed the top of her head and, for the first time in a long time, he found himself smiling properly. His eyes squeezed closed to push back the tears and a genuine smile at his lips.

Sara pulled back to look at him and shook her head. "I do not believe you." she said, giving him a hard shove in the chest, to which he just laughed. "You scared the hell out of me. I could've shot you!" There was a laughter in her words, amusement that didn't quite make it out through the emotion.

Dean chuckled at her and rested a hand to her shoulder for a moment. "I missed you, Sara." he said quietly, his voice sincere.

"Are you alright?" she moved to turn on the light and looked him up and down slowly as if she was scanning him for damage.

He nodded. "I'm fine, I'm completely fine. Don't worry about me."

"Dean," she hesitated to ask him but she knew that she had to. "How did you get out?"

"Oh, about that," he nodded to his left and gestured for him to follow her into the next room. She raised her eyebrows at the sight of Castiel passed out on the couch, a small frown creased at his brow as if he was in some kind of pain. "Hell kinda took it out of him." Dean said quietly. "He'll be fine, I think, but," he shrugged. "I think he just needs some rest."

Sara nodded slowly. She took a blanket from the back of the couch and gently draped it over him. Somehow, it all just seemed too simple. Nothing like that ever came so easy for them, there was always some kind of a pricetag attatched to it. But she couldn't let herself think about that right there, the only thing on her mind at that point was the fact that her brother was right there with them again.

"We need to stop doing this." she told Dean seriously. The amount of times they had found themselves in that same situation, she really couldn't take it again.

"Yeah," Dean nodded, it wasn't something he enjoyed either. "Last time I die, alright? I swear. I won't leave you again." Sara frowned, there was something more behind his words, a deeper thought behind the promise. "I'm done, okay?" he eventually said, looking back to her. "And I mean it this time, I really am done."

She continued to watch him, not sure what he was getting at. "You're done?" she pressed curiously.

"With hunting." Her eyes went wide at his words, her eyebrows almost at her hairline.

Dean had never been able to leave hunting before. It was something that had always been in his blood, he wasn't himself unless he was hunting down something. The last time she had seen him out of the life it had been almost like a light had gone out in him. But then, the last few years after Sam had died, he had spent more time out of hunting than in it. Maybe something in him had changed.

"It's not worth it anymore, Sara." he admitted quietly. "I mean, that last year I had, I barely hunted at all. And, you know, that was kinda the best I'd felt in a long time. I wanna be around more, for both of you. I mean, you and Luke, you're family."

"Wow. That's, uh.." she let out a small laugh and nodded, clearly still in shock. "That's great, Dean. Never thought I'd see the day."

Dean smiled, honestly, neither did he. But there had been a point, maybe when he had been in hell, or maybe before that, when he had realised that there was more to his life than just hunting. The job hadn't been the same without Sam, when he was on his own everything seemed darker and he found himself just thinking about what he had come to call home. He looked forward to when he walk through the door and hear his nephew come sprinting through the house to lunge himself at him, or the bright smile that he knew would be on his sister's face. Hunting wasn't the only thing in his life that mattered, in fact, it had suddenly gone pretty far down the list of things that were important, and he found himself missing it less and less.

"Hey, you mind if I crash?" he asked her.

"No, no, course not." she smiled a little. "The spare room's right how you left it." she added quietly.

Dean smiled and rested an arm around her shoulders as he gave her a small squeeze. "Night, sis." he said softly.

She watched him go, smiling. "Night, bro."

* * *

Aww, I love those rare moments where my fanfictions aren't filled with pain and tears and emotions.

I want to say a huge thank you to all of the support I've had with this story so far, to those who reviewed, followed, favourited, thank you so much!

Also, next couple chapter there's going to be some cute Cas/Sara, cute Dean/Sara, cute Dean/Luke, cute Cas/Luke, and, let's face it, Dean's not getting out of hell that easy is he? There's always a price ;-)

So, thank you again, hope you enjoyed!


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